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How to deal with hard feelings?

Sometimes people in our life can trigger different feelings in us. As an example that maybe confusion, feeling of stuckness, sadness, feeling of being not appreciated or cared for, not knowing what to do and how to get rid of that feeling.

The truth is that your feelings are communicating something to you. Through our feelings we connect with our selves. I have never forgotten one thing my teachers taught me; they said that all feelings are beautiful, whether they are positive or negative. Think about it this way; any time a feeling arise, it requests you to connect with yourself. Can you grant that request?

Here is a little exercise for you to help to connect with you feelings and yourself a little bit easier:

  • Sit down in a comfortable position so you have enough support.
  • Take a deep breath in and deep breath out.
  • Close your eyes
  • You can add anything else to the atmosphere that helps you relax, e.g. music, or scent, etc.
  • Look for a memory or a recent experience which caused you hard feelings.
  • Recognise the feeling that came up to you. Was it sadness, loneliness, disappointment, jealousy, anger etc.
  • Now I would like you to give an appearance to this feeling. Could it be a little boy or a little girl? How big are they? Give as much details as possible; from the colour of their hair, their complexion, to what they are wearing, the type of clothes, it’s colour, pattern etc.
  • This feeling could also be something else for you e.g. an animal, a different human being, an abstract. Whatever you associate this feeling with, please give them as much details as you can.
  • Imagine that they are requesting you to connect with them. Accept them as they are. Spoilt, small, insisting – could you do this for you and them?
  • If you can, how does it look like. Do you see an image of connection? Or perhaps feel something in your body. Is there warm energy flowing through your body? Are you hearing something them saying to you? Or perhaps you transcend in a different space and time with them. Do you capture their scent?
  • By breathing in and out, stay with whatever comes up to you. If it makes you emotional, then let it be. Allow the emotion to creep in and stay with it. It maybe that you don’t allow yourself to be this way and once you give time, emotion is a natural reaction.
  • It would help if you write this experience down or share it with someone else, so you keep this memory fresh.

By Ieva Kelpsaite

I am a a relationship coach, a tango teacher and a creator of the live event Dance in Conversation. My work involves movement as a vehicle for personal growth, a way to help people to communicate and express themselves better.

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